Harry Potter at Order of the Phoenix 87 lines
by Asophagoose
Summary: OotP condensed into 87 lines - and since I haven't read it yet...
1. Part One

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, the eighty-seven-line puppet-  
show.  
  
A/N: They're numbered so I don't get confused. Sorry. It's not a list, I promise! Just a puppet show, it is, really. Go ahead and read the first half, and if you want more, review!  
  
1. Harry: I am in a flowerbed. Wohoo. Um, why? This doesn't make sense...oh, well.  
  
2. Ron: Hey, Harry, you have to come to my house again!  
  
3. Harry: Okay! Am I wasting a line here?  
  
4. Ginny: Wow. I think my crush on you is back, Harry. You should be either pleased...or not pleased.  
  
5. Harry: Time to go back to school!  
  
6. Hermione: Yay!  
  
7. Ron: Did you go to Bulgaria?  
  
8. Hermione: I'm not going to answer that.  
  
9. Ron: I am mad because Hermione won't answer my question about Bulgaria.  
  
10. Hermione: I'm still not going to answer that.  
  
11. Ron: I'm still mad.  
  
12. Harry: Shut up.  
  
13. Trewlaney: This number is unlucky - Harry, you will die!  
  
14. Harry: Big whoop. Like I didn't already know that.  
  
15. Harry: Wohoo. I should find something out on this line, but since the author of this fanfiction hasn't read the story yet, that would be kinda impossible. I am smarter now!  
  
16. Ron: I will be this number in March. Should we get on with the story?  
  
17. Hermione: As the story's nearly 900 pages long, we should.  
  
18. Ron: I think this is the line where I tell Hermione I am crushing on her. But I'm too nervous.  
  
19. Hermione: I heard that.  
  
20. Ron: Oops. I'll go hide now.  
  
21. Harry: We have to try out for Quidditch now, Ron, so stop hiding from Hermione and go outside. I am the captain now (at least, the author of this fanfiction thinks I am) and you will be the keeper.  
  
22. Ron: Wow! Cool!  
  
23. Hermione: I can see you. Run away, or I will be forced to tell you that I like you.  
  
24. Ron: Aaaahhh!  
  
25. Harry: Okay, you're the Keeper, now go snog Hermione or something, preferably somewhere where I can't see you.  
  
26. Ron: Okay!  
  
27. Harry: Uh oh, Defense Against the Dark Arts class.  
  
28. New Teacher: I'm your new teacher. Fear me!  
  
29. Class: We fear you! *scream*  
  
30. New Teacher: Jeez, not that much.  
  
31. Class: Oh. We don't fear you - that much!  
  
32. Harry: Go easy on 'em, their last one was evil.  
  
33. Class: EVIL!! EEEEVIL!!!  
  
34. New Teacher: Oohh-kayyy.  
  
35. Winky: I am Winky! And I AM ANGRY! GRRR!  
  
36. Hermione: Winky, you have to quit your job and stir up a rebellion!  
  
37. Winky: GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!!  
  
38. Hermione: Jeez, gosh, jeez, goodness, jeez!  
  
39. McGonagall: There is some formal event in which Weasley will be wearing the new dress robes his brothers bought him with oh-so-mysterious money. And now, over to Dumbledore, with important information for Harry. What do you have to tell us tonight, Albus?  
  
40. Dumbledore: Well, Minerva - It is time, for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago Harry. Please sit down. I am going to tell you everything. *whispers in Harry's ear*  
  
41. Harry: Oh! *blush* I - I know all about that, Professor, you don't have to tell me - er - 42. Dumbledore: Darn it! Why did Sirius have to chicken out at the last minute?  
  
43. Sirius: Chicken? Where? I'm hungry, give me chicken!  
  
~*~  
  
End first half. I'm just too lazy to write the rest right now. Please review, I would be most pleased if you thought my mock-funniness was funny! 


	2. Part Two

Order of the Phoenix, 87-line puppet-show, continued.  
  
Note: When we last left our many characters in this story-that-I-haven't- read-yet, Sirius was asking for chicken. Luckily, we're moving on.  
  
44. Dumbledore: Okay, then, well, I have something else to tell you, Harry. Sit down I'm going to yada, yada, everything.  
  
45. Harry: *prays*  
  
46. Dumbledore: I'm your mother, Harry.  
  
47. Harry: Somehow, I get the feeling Ron was right when he said you were loony.  
  
48. Dumbledore: Well! Everyone else writes that I say 'I am your father...' I wanted to say something different this time! By the way, it is Professor Lupin that is loony, not I.  
  
49. Harry: Will you just tell me that I'm part of this ancient Order of the Phoenix and get on with the story?  
  
50. Dumbledore: Deal.  
  
51. Dumbledore: Hey, you're part of the ancient Order of the Phoenix. Now you get to re-meet Mrs. Figg, the person who babysat you when you were stupid. But now she is Arabella Figg, and she's magic!  
  
52. Harry: *monotone* I am bursting for joy. Can I leave now? Please?  
  
53. Dumbledore: Yeah, I was getting to that.  
  
54. Sirius: Hey, where's that chicken? Chicken? Helloooo? *whines* Where's my chicke-e-en?  
  
55. Hermione: Hey, did you guys suddenly forget about the random formal event in which Ron wears his new dress robes?  
  
56. Ron: *yells from mysterious hiding place* I DIDN'T!!  
  
57. Hermione: Isn't this the part where you ask me to go with you?  
  
58. Ron: Isn't that in the next chapter?  
  
59. Hermione: Okay, now it's the next chapter!  
  
60. Ron: *moans* Hermione will you go to the semi-unknown formal event with me?  
  
61. Hermione: Uhhhh...okay!  
  
62. Ron: Really?  
  
63. Harry: It's on about page 635 now...something important should be happening - ah! I'm having nightmares about - what's this say? 'A single door in a silent corridor' no that can't be right - oh, well, Scholastic says it is, so I guess it is! Ah! I'm having nightmares!  
  
64. Ginny: I'm supposed to be playing a bigger part in this story, so - ah! So am I!!! NIGHTMARES - MAKE IT STOP!!!  
  
65. Hermione: O.O  
  
66. Ron: O.O Ginny! Stop having nightmares, and go to Dumbledore's office!  
  
67. Hermione: I thought this story was supposed to be funny!  
  
68. Ginny: It is. I'm having nightmares about a single cheese in a silent sandwich.  
  
69. All: Okay. That works.  
  
70. Harry: It's about page 700 - now I'm doing something really important that the author of this fanfiction still doesn't know about!  
  
71. Audience: Ooh, aah...  
  
72. Harry: Why are you oohing and aahing? Oh, I see, pretty fireworks!  
  
73. Hermione: I've been trying to get you to listen to me for the past three months! Why aren't you studying? Get in the library and study! O.W.L.'s are in SOME RANDOM AMOUNT OF MONTHS!  
  
74. Harry: Wow. I've been too obsessed with important things happening that I forgot about my load of homework! And there's a formal event tomorrow! What am I to do?  
  
75. Ginny: I'll go to the formal event with you, Harry!  
  
76. Harry: Yay! I mean...okay, yeah, that works. I'll just do my homework now. *goes off to snow the teachers*  
  
77. Harry: Wow! My homework is done and now I must face the climax! AAH! VOLDEMORT! *in a very small voice* Hide me!  
  
78. Dumbledore: Hey, not to be rude, but dude, Harry, aren't you supposed to be like, the hero?  
  
79. Harry: Man, can't someone else be the hero for a change? Oh, all right. *goes off to be heroic* There, something exiting happened and now I win. Happy now?  
  
80. Dumbledore: Yeah, good, yeah, that works.  
  
81. Everyone: We're all happy now! The climax is over! *sings happy song and does happy dance around the Great Hall* *Hermione and Ron dancing together*  
  
82 Author: Well, Ron and Hermione finally got together in my story - I am happy now! *joins in happy dance*  
  
83. Hermione: Ron! You totally made me forget that we have O.W.L.'s in two hours!  
  
84. Everyone: *stops dancing* WHAT?!  
  
85. McGonagall: Can't we just cancel the frickin' exams?  
  
86. Hermione: NO! *does exams* Oh, yeah, I got twelve! What? It's time to go home now? But now I can't even brag about getting twelve O.W.L.'s!  
  
87. Ron: That's okay, Hermione, I love you anyway. *goes home with everyone else, blushing madly*  
  
~*~  
  
That's my story, and I was prompted to write it with a couple of good reviews! Thanx to Jlyn and Padfoot! 


End file.
